Style Invitational Week 1344: Well, that’s just great — it’s Limerixicon XVI Write a limerick featuring a ‘gr-’ word. Plus ‘Mitch McCarnal’ and other altered names. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post) By Pat Myers Pat Myers Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003 Email // Bio // Follow // August 8 (Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning plays on people’s names) *If a peddler in Athens declares* *You’ll receive, if you purchase his wares,* *A free panda that dances,* *Don’t take any chances:* *Beware of a Greek gifting bears. * /(Tim Alborn, Week 624, 2005)/ As comes August, lo, so comes the Limerixicon, our annual check-in with OEDILF.com, where, inexorably since its founding in early 2004, Chris Strolin and a large band of contributors have been creating an Omnificent English Dictionary in Limerick Form, tiptoeing through the alphabet as they strive to complete a whole dictionary with descriptive and mechanically sound limericks, one letter (or less) at a time. The Style Invitational latched on in OEDILF’s very first year, and we haven’t let go, as the site has passed the 100,000-lim mark and predicts that it’ll be all done by Nov. 3, 2063. *This week: * *Supply a humorous, previously unpublished limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with “gr,”* as in the example above from Limerixicon 3. Please see our guide*“Get Your ’Rick Rolling”* at *wapo.st/limericks1344 * for our fairly strict rules on limerick rhyme and meter (in a nutshell: “perfect” rhyme, and a strong “hickory-dickory-dock” rhythm in Lines 1, 2 and 5; a “dickory-dock” in Lines 3 and 4; additional unaccented syllables on either side are fine. See OEDILF.com about submitting limericks there after this contest is over. Submit entries at *wapo.st/enter-invite-1344 * (all lowercase). Winner gets the *Lose Cannon, * our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives what is described on ultra-cheapo Wish.com as “Mens Contoured Pouch Tanning Sleeve Swim Cover Up Swimwear” and is the *smallest men’s garment imaginable;* it is essentially a screaming yellow, very narrow stretch nylon sock with elastic at the top. We suggest you not swim in it. Or move. *Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “Too-Weak Notice” or “Certificate of (de) Merit.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, Aug. 19; *results published Sept. 8 in print, Sept. 5 online. See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline “Maiming Names” was submitted by both Jesse Frankovich and Tom Witte; Jesse also wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow @StyleInvite on Twitter. *The Style Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses the week’s new contest and results. Check out this week’s at wapo.st/conv1344 . And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . *MAIMING NAMES: REPORT FROM WEEK 1340* In*Week 1340 *the Empress asked you to slightly alter a famous name and describe this new person. There were so many funny names, not so many funny descriptions. I may, in a future contest, put a bunch of non-inking names out there and ask for the whole Greater Loser Community to improve on them. 4th place: *Mitch McCarnal: *He often “has knowledge of” the American people. /(Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.) / 3rd place: *President Nicolás Manuro: * Creating ordure out of chaos. /(Stephen Gold, London) / 2nd place and the socks that look as if you're wearing sandals with them : *Edgar Allan Po’boy:* Once upon a midnight dreary, While he pondered, weak and weary, Suddenly a rapping eerie sounded at his chamber door. Unperplexed by all the hubbub, Said he: “It’s the guy from Grubhub, Bringing me my favorite pub sub. Just a sandwich, nothing more.” /(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.) / And the winner of the Lose Cannon: *Marlon Blando:* "Stella, could you come here for a minute?" /(Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore) / Name-dropping: Honorable mentions *Genghis Khan’t:* He couldn’t take that first steppe. /(Ryan Martinez, Takoma Park, Md., a First Offender) / *Frank Snotra:* Ol’ Green Nose is back! /(Stephen Gold)/ *Frank Sumatra: *Island crooner who hit the charts with “Fly Me to the Monsoon.” /(Arnold Berke, Chevy Chase, Md.)/ ** *James Brownnose:* The hardest-working man in the Trump administration. /(Warren Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.)/ *Jeans Valjeans:* Levi’s 24601. /(Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.)/ *Martin Luther Queen:* “I have been 78 percent of the way to the mountaintop!” /(Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va,)/ *Abraham LinkedIn: * “Wait, why is he inviting me to join his team? I thought we were rivals. ” /(Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.; Richard Wexler, Alexandria, Va., a First Offender)/ *AE$OP Rocky:* “Hey Mabel, I’ll tell you a fable. I need a donor togive me some kronor .”/(Roy Ashley, Washington)/ *Alexander Gramps Bell: *“What’s that, Watson? Speak up, I can’t hear you!”/(Hildy Zampella, Alexandria, Va.)/ *Andherson Cooper:*How he was known before he became a cele-brity. /(Ivars Kuskevics, Takoma Park, Md.)/ *Brad Pittstain:* Hardest-working actor in Hollywood — and just /too/ hot. /(Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.) / *Charlie Parka:* The /coolest/ jazz. /(Warren Tanabe) / *C.O.P.D. James:* Her mystery novels will leave you breathless. /(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)/ *Davy Crock-of-it:* C’mon, no 3-year-old ever killed a b’ar. /(David Stonner, Washington, a First Offender)/ *Felon Musk:* Holds record for number of battery charges. /(Stephen Dudzik)/ *George Lucuss: *“What the #$@&%*! did Disney do to my Star Wars?”/(Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.) / *Hermit the Frog: *“Leave me alone, you pig!” /(Dave Airozo, Silver Spring, Md.)/ *I.B. White: *Some pig who wrote “The Elements of Heil!” Now a GOP speechwriter. /(Kevin Dopart, Washington)/ *Jair Bowsandarrows: *President who plans to take Brazil back to the Stone Age. /(Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)/ *Jeanine Pyro:* Pro-Trump pundit given to inflammatory statements. (/John Kupiec, Fairfax, Va.)/ *Julius Geezer:* I came, I saw, I conked out. /(Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)/ *Julius Seizure:* He constructed Rome’s Grand Mall. /(Gary Crockett) / *Julius Sneezer: *“Ah choo, Bruté?” /(Mike Phillips, Washington) / *Justin Timberrake: *The White House appointed him to put an end to wildfires. /(Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.) / *Mae Westminster Abbey:* A stunning feat of engineering with two eye-catching spires and a nice apse. /(Pete Morelewicz, Fredericksburg, Va.)/ *Mark Struckaberg:* CEO who thought his company was unsinkable. /(Warren Tanabe) / *Pillory Clinton:* “STOCK HER UP!” /(Gregory Koch, Falls Church, Va.) / *Rip Van Tinkle:* Slept for two whole decades, but had to get up every couple years to pee. /(Mike Phillips; Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) / *Santayana Claus: *Those who don’t remember their present are bound to regift it. /(David Stonner)/ *Shaquille O’Kneel:* Appears to be only 6-8. /(Jesse Rifkin)/ *Shimmy Hoffa:* Union boss who invented the shakedown. /(Jeff Hazle)/ *Sir Lunchalot*: A Round Knight of the Table. /(Jonathan Jensen)/ *Squadzilla: *Giant lizard whose attempts to stomp on four congresswomen leveled his party. /(Frank Osen) / *Stevie Wonderbread: *Played piano with the Osmond Brothers. /(Dave Ferry, Purvis, Miss.)/ *Trumpelstiltskin: *An evil gnome who spins golden opportunities into straw. /(Lawrence McGuire) / *The Writhe brothers: *They downsized airline seats./(Marli Melton, Carmel Valley, Calif.) / *Adipose Rex:* Greek king who quipped, “Your Mama’s so fat, even I wouldn’t do her.” /(Chris Doyle)/ *Bris Harper:* The best cutoff man in baseball. /(Jeff Hazle) / *Coward Beale: *A network anchor who announced, “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this any, um, further.” Played by Peter Flinch. /(Chris Doyle) / *Davy Crockpot:* Bear stew in 6-8 hours (4-6 on high). /(Tracy Schultz, Chicago, a First Offender)/ *Ernest Lemmingway: *The author gives up his rugged individualism and just goes with the flow. /(David Kleinbard, Mamaroneck, N.Y.)/ *George Cloney:* “O Twin Brother, Where Art Thou?” /(William Kennard, Arlington, Va.)/ *George Frideric Handeljiggler:* Finally figured out how to make the “water music” stop./(Paul Burnham, Gainesville, Va.)/ *German Melville:* Author of /“Der Mobie Schwanz.” / /(Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)/ *Ichabod Cranium:* He had something the Headless Horseman really wanted./(Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)/ *Jay-Zzzz:* He topped the charts with the hip-hop lullaby “REMpire State of Mind.” /(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)/ *Rainy Descartes: *“Thinking about Mondays always gets me down!” /(John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.) / *Unclear Sam: *“I want you for the U.S. Army. Or the Agricuture Department Or the Kiwanis. Whatever.” /(Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill.)/ *SpongeBob SwearPants:* Successful cartoon character who can’t believe he still lives in a #@&! pineapple under the *%*! sea/. (Frank Osen) / *William Merkinley:* Orchestrated the first White House sex cover-up. /(Steve Fahey, Olney, Md.) / *Lee J. Throbb:* The leading man in the porn flick “Twelve Angry Inches.” /(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.) / *DON’T MISS AN INVITE! * Sign up here to receive a once-a-week email from the Empress as soon as The Style Invitational and Style Conversational go online every Thursday, complete with links to the columns.